This is the end
by Asradiantasthesun
Summary: If this is the end in fire/ Then we should all die together. Celine Herondale in her last minuters, with her baby in her stomach and her dead husband haunting her mind. Pre- CoB


I've always found Jace's parents topic interesting, especially his mother. Her abusive childhood and extraordinary personality made her one of the most fascinating characters in TMI ( at least for me). So, I hope you'll find my version of Celine interesting. Enjoy and leave comments, please:)

* * *

_And if we should die tonight_  
_We should all die together_

They told her that good girl is quiet and she never dared to ask why.

And then, here she is, on the bathroom floor; tiles are so cold against her palms, while she's sitting here and her baby is nervously moving in her stomach.

Stephen is dead. Stephen, her husband, father of her baby is dead, as if he never even existed at all.

Celine feels numbness. She just sits there and thinks about the death of her husband and feels nothing at all.

She wonders does his mother know. Imogen loved Stephen so much, she must be heartbroken.

She thinks about her own mother; tall woman, skinny shadow of a shadow, always in black and never smiling. Mother didn't like when Celine laughed or behave loudly. When Celine was younger she used to think that her real mum had died during battle and that's how mother Montclair had to take care of her. Mother so different from Imogen, Imogen who loves her son and her husband more than anything or anybody, laughing with them and smiling tenderly. Mother who never hugged her, never told her stories or played with her.

Father, on the contrary, was very playful.

Celine takes a deep breath and places her hand on her stomach, just above her baby's head. Why is she even thinking about this? She locked these memories, buried them deep inside her for no one to see.

But this is the end and she has to set them free, every one of them.

She has to let go and she does.

She thinks of her father's hot breath on her neck and the way he closed the door when he entered her bedroom at night. Doors were always making this strange sound- a bit like cling- and it reminded her of the sound that cage makes when you close it. She thinks of his hands all over her and the pain and blood on her blankets and pillows and how she cried without tears every single time.

And then she managed to run away, but not really. Every guy she's ever met was the living clone of her father. And there were many quys.

She was, after all, Celine Montclair wasn't she? All her life she was used like a tissue and then thrown away.

Easy to get, easy to leave- that's what boys used to talk about her. Celine Montclair who never says no, who is not to be married to, but to spend night with. Decent Shadowhunter, but beautiful girl, with angelic face and pretty locks and dimples in her cheeks, all sweet smiles and quite responses. Celine impossible to hate, Celine loved by everyone.

Celine Montclair who never really knew she can actually say ''no'' to somebody.

Obedient Celine. Sweet Celine. Celine grateful for even smallest sign of concern about her.

Until Valentine Morgenstern.

Celine stands up and looks at the mirror. She tries to see what Valentine told her to look for; to see warrior.

Valentine was first to see warrior in her and he was to first to respect her. She remembers the first time they spoke to each other; it was on some kind of party, it was cold and she was wearing new blue dress and he told her she looked stunning.

Valentine Morgenstern was always so gentle and nice to her. He never made any kind of inappropriate comments. He never touched her. He treated her like a lady; waited for her to sit down, before he sat himself, called her ''adorable'' and took her to the meetings of the Circle.

And then, her gave her to Stephen.

Stephen. Numbness disappears as she begins to think about him.

Stephen.

Stephen, who happened to her one day; beautiful , tall, courageous and magnificent like a lion. Stephen, who never loved her, but who respected her and who was gentle, more gentle than anybody else before him. He touched her as if she was made of glass, all delicate kisses and slow movements, trying not to hurt her and she was so, so thankful for that, because it was all new for her. Stephen, who painted runes of faith and love over her heart and promised to take care of her. Who liked her dimples and asked her to sing for him and called her his ''little bird''. Who traced lines on her baby bump and talked to their child and wasn't sure about the name for her/ him. ''Our little bean'', he told her once. ''My little bean and my little bird, my family'' he said and hugged her tightly and she was so happy.

Pain. Sharp, deep pain.

And as he thinks of Stephen, numbness disappears and she cracks. Celine loves Valentine more than anything but now she realizes she loves Stephen as much as him and this love is so painful and powerful that it tears her in half. She collapses on the floor and she thinks of Stephen, Stephen all over again and she just wants this pain to end, oh end, cause it's too much for her, she just can't, how, why. Bathroom becomes red in front of her eyes and pain is burning her inside.

And then she thinks of the way she dealt with her father and she is calm again, just like that. Her baby kicks her painfully, when she grabs her pink purse, but she doesn't pay attention.

Stephen who looked at her with awe in his eyes when she told him she is pregnant.

Stephen who set fires to her skin and made her finally belong.

Stephen, whose name is beating under her skin like a secon heart and this heart is bleeding out.

She need to push a little harder than usual, and the pain she feels is sharp, its teeth deep in her skin, but she just doesn't care anymore. It works, as usual. Stephen's name began to fade away. Everything will be fine. It always is.

Another movement of her wrist and her vision becomes blurry. Baby kicks her and his movements are panicked.

''Shhhh'' she whispers ''Everything is alright''

Scarlet stains her blouse when she caresses her stomach.

She lies down on the floor and closes her eyes.

Stephen. Gold shadows, his eyes, Stephn, the one who gave her a place to call home.

Her baby stops moving and she feels as he is curling inside her and they lay together just like that. The world around her is all fire and darkness and she thinks of all the bad things and all the good things, about her father and Valentine, evil and angel, but as beautiful Celine dies, she sees her husband's smile.

_And I see fire_  
_Hollowing souls_  
_I see fire_  
_Blood in the breeze_  
_And I hope that you'll remember me_


End file.
